I thought I haven't posted in like a year but that's not really true. What is true is that I haven't posted since I got my job. Almost exactly.
In May last year I was coming home from one of my daily two hour Covid walks and I saw my homeless neighbors, at that time a little group that lived in the gazebo at Bowen Park. Well I didn't see them, which was kind of the problem, I saw the team of council workers with a truck loading up all their stuff they used to make the gazebo into a camp.
So I came back a bit old man yelling at cloud to Jeremy, and I had come across Micah projects looking at NGOs for job searching already, maybe even found their volunteer sign up page and dismissed it because I was looking for a real job. Anyway I had put a ton of irons in the fire, and wasn't quite getting anywhere, plus it was covid so I was a bit bored, anyway I went to Micah's website and signed up for what looked like their most serious volunteer thing which was a 3 day commitment a week doing data entry.
So that's how I came to be doing all of Cats and Sths Monthly status updates, and at that point they were so behind that I did let's say April's and went straight into May's. And there were like up to seven of us working, so I became the queen of the broken toys because I was a natural teacher and also arrogant enough to make a best guess as to the right thing to do, and then willing to show it to everyone else. And Liana and Anna the at that time team leaders were so snowed under it would take like an hour to get a question answered so that kind of moxy was valuable.
And that's how I came under Jim's eyes because I stole his chair every day bc he was always in meetings. I don't know who really saw me, Jim was there and he observed me but for like moments and he's a savant but that's nuts. Nat trained me and sat next to me, but I don't know if she'd care. Margie saw me, and I looked her in the eye and told her I'd be working here or somewhere else, but not as more special than the other volunteers. Anna saw my work and rated me as competent, but as what I was, not as a replacement for her.
Whatever happened, I got picked up for the three month contract, and had that three months to learn what small team leadership was, what the social service industry was, what homelessness was, and convince my team and colleagues I knew any of these things. The whirlwind began.
But it was such an incredible opportunity. I had time in my four months of applying, to figure out what I really wanted out of a job:
1. Working for something I cared about. I applied for the most lowly jobs in Queensland health, but would whiz by anything in sales or marketing with scorn in my heart.
2. Some element of leadership. I'd been ready to lead for so long, but the people I was working for never thought I was ready. To be looked at cold as someone with leadership qualities was something I wanted, and to have some direction of what we were doing, making plans and thinking of how to execute them.
3. Some blend of my love of analytical thinking and my love of humanist thinking. Straight data jobs weren't the most attractive nor were jobs that were all touchy feely. Some blend of data/ analytics with the caring arts were what I wanted.
4. Someplace cool to work. I'd been trying to adopt Jeremy's awesome start-up work friends as my new friend population for years. Part of this was a way to expand my circle and life.
5. Learning some new skills I might be able to deploy later.
And Micah was all of these in spades, and getting to be in an issue that has started to matter to me personally a bit more as well, living in the valley. And it's a nuts good job, real pay real levelling real holiday allowances, a union. This was a job that from day one felt like more than a job, like my second act dream career. Like if I was this and a teacher over my life that would be like the perfect career.
So I volunteered nearly full time for like a month, in May, then got picked up doing a contract analysing processes for three months, then got the job properly. I've been there eight months now, long enough that I've started to come out of the tunnel of it, to be able to think of anything else.
It's been a not entirely pleasant journey, I've been in a near continuous anxiety attack, punctuated with spasms of self hatred and humiliation. My ego is too fragile to be in a job where constantly performing social interactions correctly is like the whole competency.
But it's an interesting internal process that while I've been basically constantly in the grip of not really positive emotions, I would describe myself in general as really happy, I've been so fulfilled, I really want this, it feels like all my dreams are coming true. I haven't had a moment of doubt as to if I want to do this despite feeling like this all the time.
The next decision point will come this June, when Anna will come back to my job or her pilot will be extended. But I have definitely until then to do what I can with this.
